Closure
by Andra-ggfan
Summary: Before she can move on with her life, she has one thing left to do. Find closure. But it's not easy, because it's never easy when it comes him. Set soon after the 7th season, but Rory doesn't get the campaign job. Literati and complete.
1. Nothing ever changes

**I haven't done this in a long time so please forgive me if they're OOC. I'm trying to get back to writing fanfics and it's a slow process. Anyway, this is shortly after season 7 but Rory doesn't get the job on the Obama campaign and she and Lorelai haven't left for their roller coaster adventure yet. Rory decides she has one more thing to do before she moves on with her life. The story is almost finished so I should post a new chapter every other day. **

**I hope you enjoy it and you know, you can use that review button to tell me how much this sucks. Or doesn't. I love criticism almost as much as I love hearing that people actually like my stories. Anyway, done with the rambling so you can read.**

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She stands there, in front of his door, her heart beating a thousand beats a minute. The knot in her stomach tightens every time her hand reaches for the doorbell so she pulls it back and decides that it was useless. Turn around and just leave. And then she kicks herself and reaches again for the doorbell.

Because she has to ring it.

She needs this.

Finally she gathers enough courage to push the small yellow button and wait. She hears scuffling from the other side of door and a male voice grumbling. His voice. She wonders what it is about his voice that makes her heart still do cartwheels.

And then she remembers why she was here. She sighs and clutches to her purse tighter, waiting.

Finally the door opens and she sees him standing on the other side, looking tired. Not surprised. She tries to remembered if there was ever a time he looked surprised to see her. They kept bouncing in and out of each other's lives and yet they never completely manage to surprise the other one. They were like boxers, always waiting for the next round.

"Hey."

Rory relaxes the hand holding her purse and smiles at him.

"Hey."

They stand like that for a few seconds looking at each other. The young man finally breaks the silence.

"Anything thing else you might want to add to that greeting? Like what you're doing here?"

"What? Oh, uh, sorry." She chuckles and looks at him. "I was in the area and thought I'd come by and see if you'd like to go for coffee or a drink. Catch up. I would have called first but I don't have your phone number."

"Don't worry. Dropping by is fine."

"Good."

And the silence is back, awkward. It had changed. She can't remember other uncomfortable silences between them. She knows there must have been but this one was different. She can't fill it in with a smile and kiss and make him forget.

"Do you want to come in?"

She nods politely and walks inside the small living room.

"Sorry about the mess. I still haven't gotten the whole cleaning up concept. Probably never will."

"It's fine."

"Give me thirty seconds to change and then we can go somewhere."

"You're sure I am not interrupting anything? I can come back some other time. I'll be in the city for a couple of days."

"Nope, now is fine. Unless you had something else planned."

"Didn't."

"Then give me thirty seconds."

She smiles and nods and he steps in the other room. Rory examines the room and smiles again, this time realizing just how much this was like him. Books piled everywhere. On the floor, under the coffee table, behind the tiny couch. And on the window a small ashtray filled with cigarette butts. Pieces of paper scattered around the room, his handwriting on them. Pens in a coffee mug on the table. Nothing lined up or filed, but she knows that it would take him less than ten seconds to find any book he would be looking for.

He is standing in the doorway, looking at her analyze his room, almost seeing the thoughts running through her head. He crosses his arms across his chest and smirks, waiting for her to finish and finally spot him. She still looked the same. Less innocent, more put together than in high school. No more Docs or Converse. Her hair and nails neatly done. But her eyes still smile and tell stories of worlds filled with promises and laughter.

It is too late to read those stories now.

She finally turns around, sees him looking at her and blushes furiously, knowing that he was examining her.

"Ready to go or do you need more time to inspect my house? I wouldn't recommend going in the bedroom. If you think this is a mess then you shouldn't see that."

"I have absolutely no intention of going in your bedroom." As soon as she finishes the sentence she realizes the other meaning of what she'd just said and starts giggling. He smiles and steps towards her, trying to stop himself from laughing as well.

"I'm that repulsive to you, huh?"

She shakes her head while taking deep breaths, trying to regain her calm.

"So, not repulsive then?"

She just shakes her head again and breathes again, this time calmly.

"You done?"

Rory nods and moves her purse to her shoulder, motioning for the door.

"Ready to go?"

"I'm ready."

Seconds later they're outside in the warm Philadelphia night, walking slowly.

"Where are we going?" She asks him.

"No idea. You hungry?"

"I ate. You?"

"Too early."

"How can..." Rory stops mid sentence and looks at her watch. "Almost 7 o'clock at night be too early?"

"I was asleep when you came. Hence, it's still early."

"Don't you have a job?"

"On mandatory leave."

He sees the confused expression on her face and continues.

"Have to finish a book and the deadline is fast approaching so my co-workers decided I needed to focus on that."

"Another book, huh?"

"Yep."

"Any good?"

"I haven't finished it yet."

"I want to read it."

"I assumed you would."

"Give me a call when it's published so I know to look for it."

"How about I just send you a copy?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I want to buy it."

"Who said I wasn't going to bill you for it?"

She laughs again.

"You haven't changed, Jess."

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**Thank you for reading this. Hope you enjoyed it. I'd remind you again to review but that would be begging, wouldn't it? Oh, heck, it's exam week, I am desperate. pretty please review.**


	2. My mother's daughter

**Chapter 2 is here, folks. Love it? Hate it? Let me know. I am writing instead of studying for my last exam; that should be worth a teeny-tiny review, shouldn't it? Thank you to all that reviewed so far. I can persuaded to post the next chapter sooner then planned. Care to guess how? **

**Ok, I'm just pathetic now. Hope you enjoy.**

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__"You haven't changed, Jess."_

"Did you expect me to?"

Rory looks at him and smiles softly.

"Not really."

Half an hour later they're in a small pub, sitting on the opposite ends of the table, ice melting in her drink. He picks up his glass and drinks from it, then puts it back down.

"So, tell me about your life."

"Nothing much to tell."

"How is life after college?"

"Tiring. I still can't find a job. I've applied to a hundred places and haven't gotten a single reply yet."

"You'll find one, don't worry."

"How can you be sure?"

"Any editor would be an idiot not to hire you."

"Could you please share that opinion with the guys at the New York Times? Because they seem not to know that and didn't give me an internship."

"They're complete cretins anyway. They didn't add my book to their list of 10 best book of 2006, either." He replies smirking and takes another drink.

"Maybe they just have something against us."

"That must be it. Bust being serious now for a second?"

She nods and waits to hear what he has to say.

"I still think they lost by not hiring you. And you will find a job soon."

"Yes, I heard the Stars Hollow radio station still needs someone to shoo the cows away from their antenna."

"A valid choice." She smiles and he puts his hand over hers on the table, smiling reassuringly at her.

Rory sips her drink, her right hand hidden under his and smiles as well.

"Thank you."

"Any time."

He gives her hand a last gentle squeeze then picks up his drink. He looks at her as her eyes go to his hand moving away and thinks he actually can spot a hint of regret in her look. It can't be there. His mind wants it to be there, so that's why he see is.

Everything is in the past now.

"So, your turn to tell me something about your life."

Her voice pulls him away from his thoughts and he focuses again on her, trying to stop his mind from building scenarios in his head. Useless and painful scenarios.

"Nothing much changed from the last time. Still work at Truncheon. I'm trying the whole responsible adult now. Moved out of the upstairs apartment, call Liz and Luke more often. Even talk to Jimmy once in a while."

"I didn't expect that."

"Yeah, things changed. We're trying to get over what happened in California."

He can clearly see a shadow of regret on her face now and kicks himself for bringing that up. But she quickly sips from her drink and puts on her regular smile.

"I'm happy to hear that. How is being a big brother?"

"I have no idea, I still haven't met the kid yet."

"How come?"

"I haven't been back to Stars Hollow and Liz doesn't have time to come this way, with her fair and all."

"Aren't you curious?"

"A bit. But it's not important."

"She's your half-sister, Jess. How can it not be important?"

"Rory..." He leaves the word hanging between them, and she knows that she shouldn't push it. Because he isn't used to opening up. Not even to her.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up."

"It's ok. I will meet her someday. And stop by the tower to see you moving the cows while I'm in town."

Rory laughs and sees him smirk from the other side of the table.

"So you were just lying earlier when you said you were sure I was going to find a job, huh?"

"Had to say something, didn't I?"

"Suppose so. Any way, you should hurry. I plan on being promoted to being the one that has to stand on top of the tower, keeping the birds away."

"Certainly a move up."

"Better then competing with Kirk for the real jobs in town."

"His mother would probably put you in your place if you decided to steal her baby's jobs."

"Oh, no, he's actually moved out."

"Huh...you don't say."

"Ah, yes. Has his own house and everything."

"Almost like a real grown-up."

"Of course, he still sleeps at his mother's house four times a week."

"It's disturbing how much you know about Kirk's sleeping patterns."

"He insists on keeping the town informed. And it's not like I have much else to do."

"How come you're spending so much time there?"

"School's over."

"I know that. But...never mind."

"Say it."

"It would be pointless."

"Say it anyway."

"How come you're not spending more time with your boyfriend? He didn't look like he would fit in Stars Hollow."

"Logan asked me to marry him." She jumps straight to it, ignoring the possibility of simply telling him it was over. Not because she wants pity. Because she wants him to understand.

"Huh." His jaw clenches and she can see his eyes become serious. Too serious. "I guess I should congratulate you then. So you're in town planning you're wedding? Something nice and small at the inn? He doesn't seem like the kind, but I'm sure you could have convinced him."

She takes a deep breath and then looks him straight in the eyes, stopping the tirade of his questions.

"I said no."

She tries to read his expression but she can't see anything on his face. His mouth open and she waits for what he has to say, expecting anything.

"Why?"

"It's complicated."

"Life tends to be."

"You really want to know?"

"I asked, didn't I?"

"I told him it was because I liked not knowing what was in the future. I lied. We were...not right for each other. Not right enough to last for a lifetime."

"I'm sorry." He whispers and she hears him but instead of acknowledging it, she just stares into space and continues her thought.

"I didn't love him enough. Couldn't love him enough."

She finishes her drink in one gulp and puts the glass back on the table. He signals the waitress for two more, while waiting for her to look back at him. When she finally does, he looks for regret in her eyes, but only finds an empty and sad smile.

The waitress puts the full glasses on the table and picks up the old ones, smiling politely as she walks away.

He picks up Rory's hand again, squeezing it softly and smiles at her, wanting to let her know that everything was going to be all right. She slowly focuses back on him and smiles as well, while his thumb is rubbing small circles on her hand.

"I'm fine."

"I know."

"Then why are you doing this?"

"Because even if you're fine, a friend is never unwelcome when he tells you he is here to listen, if you want him to."

"There's nothing more to be said. It's done. And, Jess...?"

"What?"

"Thank you. For wanting to listen. This can't be the easiest spot in the world for you to be in."

"It's been a long time, Ror."

She feels her heart sinking in her chest at the familiar nickname and more at the thought of him not caring anymore about her in that way. So she pulls her hand out of his and sips her drink again, looking at him coldly.

He sees the sudden change and promptly declares himself an idiot. But...did she actually expect everything to be the same?

"Why did you come here, Rory?"

"I told you...I was in the area."

"For?"

"A job interview."

"You're lying."

She backtracks a bit, biting her lower lip, while her mind is running, trying to find a lie he would believe. One he wouldn't see right through.

"Why did you come here?"

He asks again, and she looks at her hands, wringing her fingers furiously.

"Can we just pretend that it's because I wanted to catch up?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I want to know the real reason."

"Why?"

"Does it matter? Just say it."

Because deep inside he still hopes she will say that it's because she changed her mind.

"I need closure."

He drinks from his glass, waiting for her to continue.

"We never ended, not properly. Last time...that wasn't fair. We need more. After the hell we've been through, just saying "goodbye" isn't enough. And maybe, because I am my mother's daughter. And if I hadn't done this, then I would have spent years thinking of you like my possibility. Just like dad always was to her. That one door that never fully closes. So yeah. There you have it. I wanted to wrap things up nicely. Close the door completely. And now if you'll excuse me, I think I've made a fool of myself long enough so I will just leave you alone."

She gets up and picks up her purse, looking sadly at him one last time.

"Maybe goodbye is all there is to it."

She walks away slowly from the table, waiting to get outside before she can release the tears collecting inside of her.


	3. This really is it

**Aw, thank you for all the reviews, guys. A special thanks goes to _gilmoreluver06(Jamie)_ for all the questions. You might have just inspired a sequel after this story is over =).**

**I hope you all like this chapter. The next one will be up tomorrow, as always, just somewhat later because my last exam is today and I have to go party ;). That being said, thank you again for the reviews, keep 'em coming and enjoy.**

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Jess looks at her walking while his hands are searching for his wallet. When he finally finds it, he drops a bill on the table and then hurries outside, hoping she would still be there.

He finds standing against the cold wall, her arms hugging her body.

He has almost forgotten how beautiful she is when she is this vulnerable.

He takes a step towards her and she finally sees him, wiping her eyes quickly.

"What do you want?"

"Goodbye isn't enough."

"What do you mean?"

"You said you want closure. Fine. You think you're the only one tired of all this running around and constant appearing out of the blue? We've been dragging this for too long. Tonight, we both get closure."

She nods and points to the door.

"Should we go back inside?"

"Let's go to my place. It will be quiet. There's coffee. This will close soon enough."

"And with our baggage..."

"It could stay open all night and we still wouldn't be done."

He chuckles and she smiles as well, walking away from the wall and towards him.

"Let's go. But if you don't have coffee..."

"I do. Scout's honor."

"You were never a scout."

"I wouldn't dare keep you away from coffee anyway."

She laughs softly and then looks at him again, pointing towards the street they had come from earlier.

"Shall we, then?"

"Let's go."

A few minutes later, they're back in his flat. Rory is sitting on a chair, watching him make coffee and pull out mugs from the cabinet above the sink.

"Need any help?"

He turns around and smiles.

"To make coffee? I think I got it covered."

"Fine...but don't say I didn't ask."

"Since when did you become so helpful? From what I recall, you were always more then happy to let me get you coffee."

"I've changed."

"Why?"

"Logan never made me coffee."

She sees him wince at the mention of the man that was, up until a few weeks back, her boyfriend. The man that had stood between them the last time.

"He was an idiot. You always make coffee for the woman you love."

"If it's any consolation, I doubt he loved me that much."

"He asked you to marry him."

"I think he was just used to me. I don't doubt he loved me. Just that he didn't love me enough either. We were wrong for each other."

"People marry the wrong people all the time."

"Not knowingly. They lie to themselves."

"That what you did for what...? 2 years?"

"2 and a half. And...maybe. It doesn't matter anymore. This isn't about him."

Jess turn around and pours the coffee from the pot in his hands in the mugs he had put on the table. He puts the pot on the table and the pushes a mug in front of her, sitting down across from her at the table.

"So, how do we start?"

She looks up from her hands and stops when she meets his gaze.

"Why did you leave?"

"Wow...we're not easing into this, are we?"

"I've waited 4 years to ask you that question and get an answer. Do you expect me to tap dance around it any longer?"

"Guess not." He stops and pushes the mug in front of him, running his other hand through his hair. "If we're doing this, you have to promise not to interrupt."

"I know."

"And?"

"And I promise."

"Ok." He sighs again and looks back at her. "Because I didn't know what else to do. I was 18, wasn't going to graduate from high school and you had just gotten into Yale. Couldn't even take you to prom. I had let everyone down. Everyone! You, Luke, your mom...everyone. And then Jimmy showed up and I finally saw a way out. And because I thought that leaving you like that would make it easier for you to hate me. And maybe just because, I loved you too much to stay and ruin your life."

"You don't leave, Jess! You don't leave if you love someone! You stay, you fight, you try! You don't just pack up and leave without saying goodbye." Anger and hurt punctuate her every word.

"And how was I supposed to say goodbye to you? _'Oh, by way, I'm leaving for California in the morning. Have a nice time in Europe'_?" He asks her, sarcastically.

"You should have stayed. High school, prom, the town...none of it mattered. You did."

"Rory...I was a jerk then. Too angry with the world too accept that people could care about me. This isn't about you pitying me. But even though you lack the whole story, you know enough of my life to know that it wasn't a walk in the park. And all of the sudden, I had you. Sure, I hoped it would happen, but expect it? Never. You were supposed to be with Dean, or some great guy from Chilton. Not the rebel without a future. And they all hated me. And I had no idea how to treat you. I was an idiot."

She chuckles and sips from her coffee. "Yes, you were."

He smiles as well. "I'm glad we agree."

"But still, Jess...I had chosen you."

"And yet you didn't trust me."

"I wanted to."

"If even you couldn't trust me, what chance did I have at actually getting anyone else on my side?"

"I'm sorry for that. I should have told you something sooner. And I should have trusted you."

"You tried to tell me. I listened to the phone message."

She blushes furiously and looks down, too embarrassed to look at him. "Oh, God...you weren't supposed to hear that."

"I should have paid more attention to it."

"You just...shouldn't have left. Or at least asked me to wait for you."

"I didn't want you to wait for me. You deserved more then what I could give you then."

"Did it help? Leaving?"

"Yes."

"More then staying would have?"

"Yes."

She smiles sadly and he thinks that he had never wanted to hug her as much as he wants to now. Because she looks so small and hurt and fragile it's breaking him. But he stops himself and picks up his mug, mindlessly playing with his finger on the rim.

"My turn?"

She nods, waiting.

"Why did you say no when I asked you to leave with me?"

"Because I didn't want to go with you. I couldn't give up my whole life for you. Not when you had left me before, when I didn't even know if we would have lasted more then 20 minutes."

"Did you even love me? Did you ever love me?"

Her eyes lock on his and her smile fades away completely.

"You still doubt that?"

"I have reasons."

"I loved you. So much...it almost killed me. Seeing you go, time after time. Promising myself that it would be the last time I let you hurt me. And then you'd come again, always demanding, and never staying around long enough for me to actually process things. But I wanted to leave with you. Hell, I wanted to jump in that car with you, the night of the Festival and ask you to take me anywhere, everywhere, just as long as you were there."

"Why didn't you?"

"Because I couldn't stop you. You can't put that on me. If anything, it's my turn to ask you why you didn't stay. Just ten minutes more. Heck, a minute more. I thought you hated me. Maybe no hate, but I was sure you didn't care. After all, you had left before. And then you come by and tell me you love me. That's it. We hadn't talked in months!"

"What would you have said if I had stayed?"

"That I loved you too."

"Then I suppose that makes me an even bigger idiot."

"I suppose it does." She chuckles humorlessly, the emotions rushing trough her body. It was too much. She couldn't do this.

"I should thank you for not coming with me then. After that night in your dorm, I mean."

"Why?"

"It finally made me want to pull myself together and make something with my life."

"As long as something good came out of it, I suppose..."

He waits for her eyes to meet his again.

"I would still change it in a heartbeat. Make you come with me. Get over myself and stay with you. Just...not give up so fast."

"We wouldn't have worked. If you had stayed, you would have resented me for making you stay. Had I left, I would have resented you for making me leave. It is better this way."

"I know it is." He stops for a second before continuing. "I still wish it wasn't."

She smiles sadly. "Me too."

He picks up the pot and pours some more coffee in both they're mugs.

"Who's turn is it now?"

"Does it matter?"

"Guess not. Why did you come to Truncheon that night?"

"I wanted to hurt you."

Of all the things in the world, he hadn't expected this one.

"Why?"

"Because it was my turn. And...I don't know. I wanted to see you. Tell you you had fixed what you could fix. I was back on track, and this time it was because of you. Because you did what no one else could."

"And get back at me."

"Yes. It wasn't fair of me...but that's how it is. Your life seemed so perfect and mine was still mostly in shambles. And you had done it so many times before."

"Did it work? Made you feel better?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I still cared about you. And my stupid, petty little vengeance only ended up hurting me more."

"I wouldn't be so sure."

"What do you mean?"

"You really think you're the only one that got hurt that night?"

"No. I just think it hurt me more."

He got up and picked a pack of cigarettes from a drawer, looking at her before lighting one.

"Mind if I smoke?"

"It's your house, you can do what you want."

"I won't if it bothers you."

"Go ahead."

He lights his cigarette then sits back on his chair, playing with it.

"You have no idea what you did to me that night."

She wants to say something but stops herself, letting him continue instead.

"I mean it, Rory...you have no idea. I was...shit, I can't even find the words to describe it. A fucking mess. I couldn't sleep for days. Plotted the best way to kill that fucking bastard. Because he was a jerk to you, who deserved so much more, and despite that, he still had you, and you loved him. He had turned you into something I barely recognized anymore. That's what hurt the most. He was cheating on you and you just stood by, letting it happen."

"I know, Jess. But he was good to me. That was a mistake on his part."

"You're making excuses for him. You would have never let anyone treat you that way. Someone should have stopped it. You should have stopped it!"

"I was too broken by then."

"And now?"

"Trying to fix myself. It's not that easy."

"If you need advice I am here. I should know a thing or two about that."

This time her smile wasn't sad anymore. She squeezed his hand while he looked at the burning tip of his cigarette.

"Why are you always here to save me?"

"I'm not. I can't save you. I just point you in a random direction and hope you take it. Trying my best."

"You do save me. From lying to myself. From being what other people expect me to be."

"That's just because I like who you are. The real you. Not the you that forgets who she is because she wants to please every one else so badly. And because you saved me first."

She takes a deep breath, going over all the things in her head but can't find anything left to say.

"I think we're done now, aren't we?"

"One more question?"

"Sure."

"Why didn't you write that summer you were in Washington?"

"And said what?"

"I don't know...I'm sorry it happened, I'm not sorry it happened. Anything really. Even _'I saw this really great bookshop today'_ would have been nice. Just something to remind me it had not all been in my head."

"I should have written. I just didn't know what. I did start many letter for you that summer. I think I had a full notebook filled with _'Dear Jess' _or just_ 'Jess'_. But I couldn't find the words. How could I have told you that I was too afraid to leave Dean for you? Because I knew you had the power to hurt me so much more then he could have ever done."

"Maybe it would have changed everything."

"It probably would have."

He gets up and drops the empty pot in the sink, along with both their mugs. He sits back down and looks at her, his eyes drilling holes in her soul.

"This really is it, isn't it?"

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**Look at the pretty button. It's lonely, it really I am writing again instead of studying. How about you wish me luck in a review? Beggar, I am.**


	4. It wasn't California

**Sorry for the delay, I am finally discovering sleep again. It's nice. I hope you like it and thank you for the reviews. And for those that asked, "Flat Screen Saga" will be updated as well, probably some time next week. **

**Thank you again and enjoy!**

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"_This really is it, isn't it?"_

She nods slowly.

"I did love you, Jess. And if I could, I would turn around in time and make you get off that stupid bus. Stay with you until we reached California. Leave with you when you asked me. Try to make it work on any of the countless chances we've had. Because we did deserve a middle and an ending that were better then what we had."

This time he nods and looks down at his hands.

"What now?"

"I suppose this is my cue to leave. I drive home, you stay here and we see each other form time to time. We have coffee and catch up. You send me your new book when it's done. I find a job. We just get on with our lives."

"I did mean it when I said that if you need help fixing yourself, I am here."

"I know. I think I need to do this by myself, though. Find my own California."

He smiles sadly from his seat.

"It wasn't California, Ror. It was you."

She gets up from her seat and walks slowly to him, waiting for him to stand up as well. When he does she wraps her arms around his as tight as she can, holding on to him with everything she has. One of his hands almost instinctively goes to the small of her back, pulling her as close to him as he can while the other one gets tangled in her hair. He kisses her temple while she just hugs him, harder and harder. Never let go.

"I did love you, too, Rory. Too much."

She lifts her head up and looks at him, and he can clearly see all the night's emotions gathered in her eyes.

"Maybe that was our mistake? We loved each other too much?"

"It certainly didn't help."

She buries her head in his chest again while he just slowly caresses her hair, trying to burn the feeling of having her this close in his skin, because this is his last chance.

When she finally pulls away he tucks a strand of her hair behind her ear and smirks.

"Case closed now, isn't it?"

"For good."

She smiles as well. She wants to say something else but instead she has to fight stifle a yawn.

"You tired?"

"Yeah."

"Where are you staying?"

"I'm...not. I was just going to drive back to Stars Hollow tonight after I saw you." She looks at her watch, for the first time since they had gotten back. "Didn't expect it to get so late."

"You're not driving back tonight."

"And sleeping in the back of my car is a better alternative?"

"Nope. Sleep here."

"I couldn't. I can't."

"I now you said you didn't want to see my bedroom but still...I can't let you drive back now. I'm far too busy to be able to make the time to attend your funeral."

"But what will you do?"

"I'm not tired. You did wake me up, remember? I'll sit, work and then when you leave I will sleep."

"I don't know, Jess..."

"Come on...I'll throw in some breakfast as well."

"Well, if there's food involved..." She doesn't finish her sentence but they both know it's the sign she's caved in. He opens the door to the kitchen and points to the bedroom.

"Let's go."

She walks out and he follows her into the cramped room, filled with books and clothes randomly scattered around. He turns on the light.

"You weren't kidding when you said it was messy."

"Obviously not."

He goes to the dresser and picks up a t-shirt and a pair of pants, handing them to her.

"They're clean."

"Thanks."

She points to the door on the opposite side of the room.

"That the bathroom?"

He nods and she walks in the tiny room. Minutes later she emerges wearing his clothes while tying her hair in ponytail and he can't help but notice how natural it looks to have her walking around his house, in his clothes. How much like home.

"What?"

"Huh?"

"You were staring?" She half asks, half states.

"Sorry. I 'm just not used to people wearing my stuff."

"I could take them off."

"As tempting as that sounds..."

She blushes again and he stands there, smirking.

"And wear my clothes. You have a very dirty mind, you know that, right?"

"I've been told."

She wants to protest some more but decides she is way too tired and instead just sits down on the bed, pulling her legs under her.

"You're sure you're not tired? There is room for both of us here. And we are adults."

"I'm sure. If I get tired I can always sleep on the couch. Wouldn't be the first time."

"You say something like that one more time and I will have to leave."

"Stop it. You're sleeping here tonight, and I don't want to hear you protesting again. Got it?"

She nods and lays down, hugging the pillow in her arms and pulling the thin sheet over her body.

"Your bed is really comfortable."

"I know. Now good night."

He walks to the door and turns around once more to look at her before he turns off the lights. He smiles as she waves at him.

"Good night, Jess."

He turns off the lights and walks out of the room, closing the door behind him.

* * *

Hours later, she wakes up and sees the first ray of lights shining outside the window. She gets up and walks to the other room, seeing him sitting on the couch, browsing through the channels on his TV, smoking quietly.

"This your work?"

He looks up at her and motions for her to come sit next to him. She does, pulling a blanket over her bare feet.

"Didn't feel like writing. Why are you up so early?"

"Couldn't really sleep."

"Was the TV too loud?"

"My mind was."

"Ah." He smiles at her and she moves closet to him, resting her head on his shoulder while he settles on an old re-run of _"I dream of Jeannie."_

"Jess...?"

"Huh?" He looks down at her, wrapping his arm around her. Close. Keep her close.

"Did you ever hate me?"

"Nope. Did you?"

"Yes. Not when you left. I was too busy missing you and hoping against all odds that you'd come back to me. But when we were still dating. Because you weren't even trying. You made me feel worthless."

"I'm sorry, Ror. I never meant that. You were..." He stops and looks at her. "Are one of the most important people in my life. The most important."

She smiles and ruffles his hair, making him smile as well.

"I know. You're second on my list."

"I'm honored."

"Jess, do we really have to give up everything? Can't we at least be friends? Email once in a while? Maybe a phone call?"

"We can try."

"You mean that?"

He smiles and nods. "As long as you don't ever mess up my hair again."

"No promises." She replies, running her hand through his hair again.

He grabs her wrists, trying to make her stop and in the process ends up with her almost in his lap. And her mouth too close to his. And her eyes fixed on his, making it almost impossible for him to move even an inch, towards or away from her. She had always been mesmerizing. She had always been his heroin.

She bites her lower lip, waiting to see if he would kiss her. Daring him to do it. Begging him to. It has been to long and she has missed being this close to him. The way his breath feels on her face. His eyes only focusing on her, making her feel like they were truly alone in the world. She moves her eyes away from his, focusing on his mouth instead, the lines on his lips all too familiar.

"Should we stop?" He finds his voice again, now that she has looked away, and asks her.

"Probably." She responds, but still doesn't move away. Instead, she inches closer to him and her hands slide down from his grip, and her fingers intertwine with his.

"I don't think I want to stop. I don't think you want me to, either." His voice in coarse and she has to stop herself from closing the gap between them before he even manages to finish his sentence. Because she hasn't heard this tone in his voice in too long.

"I am sure I don't want you to stop."

He leans closer to her, painfully slow, making them both wait too long. Her mouth is burning for his and her eyes are closing lazily. She feels her heart thundering and wonders how much more of this she can take before it explodes, leaving them both in pieces.

His lips finally touch hers, so soft she has to wonder if it was even real but then she feels them again. Less hesitant. Just hungry of her, of her taste. As hungry as she is of him. Her tongue is the first one that escapes and traces his bottom lip, slowly and he finally allows it in. They missed this too much.

His hands are crushing hers and she has to keep reminding herself to breathe. Too much. Too many emotions flood trough her, attack her like wild beasts while his mouth rediscovers hers. She could cry, this hurts so much. But it is the type of pain you crave, the one that keeps you alive and reminds you that you're human. She never wants it to end.

Addicted. He is addicted. Her smell. Her touch. Her skin. Her tears streaming down her cheeks, salty reminders of the fact that it wasn't heaven, or a dream. How can you go through life not knowing you can love someone this much? How can you go through life loving someone this much?

This is when the Earth should open and swallow them. Before the ruin it with words again.


	5. We don't love each other anymore

**And the final chapter is here! Sorry for the delay but apparently today was impromptu road trip day. Thank you for all the reviews, you are all completely awesome! **

**Enjoy!**

* * *

_This is when the Earth should open and swallow them. Before the ruin it with words again._

She pulls away from him first, resting her forehead on his and smiles, her eyes still closed. He lets go of her hands and wipes her cheeks gently, placing kisses where the trails of tears had been.

"Please don't run away."

She finally opens her eyes and meets his, begging her to stay, if only for another minute.

"I stopped kissing and running some time ago."

"Not that long, if I remember correctly."

"And you did promise me breakfast. Couldn't leave without a good meal first."

She smiles, and he smiles too because he knows that's just her excuse for staying, and he doesn't mind. Just as long as they get more time.

Jess just places another quick kiss on her lips then gets up, pulling her up with him as well.

"Kitchen?" He asks, his head pointing in the direction of the room.

Rory nods and follows him in there slowly, sitting on the same seat she had sat in last night, watching him open cupboards and the fridge, pulling out various things.

"In the mood for anything special?"

"Pancakes. And coffee."

"Wouldn't dare not have coffee."

She gets up from her seat again and moves behind him, circling his waist with her arms while he opens the box of pancake mix. She kisses the back of his neck and sighs happily, and he smiles because this is the best morning he's ever lived. He tries to say something but she stops him.

"Don't...just don't say anything. Let's pretend for a while longer it's simple."

Jess nods and turns round, kissing her again.

"I was just going to ask if you wanted regular or blueberry pancakes."

"Blueberry please."

"Coming right up."

She lets go of him and sits down on his chair this time, closer to him without standing in the way. Watching him, and a smile creeping on her face, because this is how mornings should always be.

Minutes later he places a plate and a mug in front of her and another one next to it. He pulls the other chair next to her and sits down.

"Breakfast. Hope you like it."

She smiles and leans over to him, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Thank you."

"Always here to ensure that you're fed."

They eat quietly, stealing glances and randomly bumping their knees under the table. This is a silence that they don't want to fill, one that says "Ignore that we're us!" and "Lie and say it's not complicated.". A silence that says so much more then words could say right now. It says "I missed you." and "Our door will never fully close because we're right together.". And maybe even "I would love nothing more then to be able to have breakfast with you for the rest of my life.".

He pushes his plate away and waits for her to finish eating as well. When she's done she sips from her coffee and picks up the plates, dropping them in the sink. She stands with her back against the sink, crossing her arms against her chest and looking at him.

"Does it change anything?"

"Do you want it to?"

"And go through round one thousand?"

"Is that a no?"

She lowers her head, looking at her shoes.

Don't say no. Please don't say no. His mind is spinning and the only thought he can still form is "Just don't say no."

"It's an "I'm scared", Jess."

He stands up and walks to her. His hand goes to her chin and makes her look up at him.

"And you think this is easy for me? That I'm not scared? Hell, Ror...we've only hurt each other in the past. And now we almost had a chance to go on separate ways and maybe even be happy with other people..."

He sees her cringing at that thought.

"And we blew it. Because we can't stay away from each other."

"So we should be together because we can't be apart?"

"No, we should just say "We don't love each other anymore"..."

Her expression changes and he takes her hand in his, kissing it softly.

"Let me finish this, ok?"

She just nods, waiting for what he has to say.

"We say "We don't love each other anymore, not like we used to, but we will try because we deserve a proper chance. Because we want to be together. Because leaving would hurt more than staying. Forget that we're scared and that we hurt each other so badly before that we should never even be near again and focus on the fact that we'd be idiots not to try again because at some point we might stop being thrown together." What do you say?"

She crushes her mouth to his, her arms circling his neck and pulling him closer to her. His hands settle on her hips and he almost laughs because he can tell that she is smiling through the kiss.

Because you can't give up on love.

"When did you become so good with words?"

"Comes with being a writer. That a yes?"

"No, you jerk." She laughs and punches him in the arm. "That was a "Yes, yes, yes, yes!"."

**The End**

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**So, did you like it? Push that button and tell me! :D I am considering a sequel with Lorelai's reaction and possibly following Jess and Rory after they move in together(it would be more humor/romance). Yay? Nay? Star knitting and stop boring you with Lit stories?**

**Thank you all for reading.**


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